As an update to this long and important thread, since updating to V7 and performing a few "optimizations", I have experienced excellent performance and reliability. As part of my optimization, I speculated that one potential cause of meltdown occurs when a user attempts to upload a large file, maybe 50mb or so. I saw a lot of references to "upload actions" in the log files when reviewing after a meltdown. While my business rule for the object limits the file to 5mb, the file has to be fully uploaded for the rule to evaluate the file. Based on Support's recommendation, I commissioned JT (forum member) to write a client-side Javascript to check the file size before uploading. I recently updated AwareIM and forgot to replace the script file and about a day later I experienced a meltdown. Interestingly, I also received a support ticket from a user who said he had trouble uploading a 50mb file. This confirmed my suspicions that large file uploads were unhealthy at least in my case.
Secondly, when I updated to V7, I decided to keep it in 32 bit just to set a baseline with the thinking that I would change to 64 bit if needed. At this point, I really don't see the need and I don't want to improve on something that is working. Both Java processes run at around 500-700MB memory. I don't have a good metric for concurrent users, but my access logs show 800 to 1,000 logins per day.
My only remaining issue, and it is one that has cropped up since going to V7, is that users report a dramatic slow-down in performance after about 20 minutes of solid use. Note that these users are in the system persistently doing lots of normal transactions - it's their daily business application. Pressing F5 to refresh the browser restores normal responsiveness. They report that the application just slows down in UI actions like pressing a drop-down and it takes a few seconds to do anything. But the problem affects all components. So its seems to clearly be a client-side issue. I don't want to speculate what's happening because I really don't know.
So this is where I am at this time and it's a better place.