Hi,
You must be missing one of the steps, it should work. I have created a quick sample for you that does work. It has two objects; ObjectA and ObjectB with ObjectA having multiple references to ObjectB.
ObjectB runs a process when Object IS CHANGED that updates a timestamp attribute in all ObjectB's.
Steps:
Create an ObjectA, Add several new ObjectB's using the reference 'Add New' button. Edit one of the references using the edit link and after you have edited and saved one of the ObjectB's, you can see that all of the referenced ObjectB's have updated and refreshed in the ObjectA reference table.
I believe that this simulates the scenario that you laid out. You can download the sample bsv at:
http://www.iportcentral.com/AwareIMScreencaps/ReferenceTest.zip
Cheers,
Pete